A summer spent apart 5.18.16

The neighbor’s pup dog came to visit us today. I like to think he could sense I was feeling down and that is why he came onto our patio right after I had another bout of the blues. He made our whole family light up (if you follow me on Snapchat I am still not apologizing for all the pics of this cutie) and pretty much made my night. He was diggin’ the French fries my sister made again today.

Despite the dog, the feeling of emptiness did not go away today - it was actually worse if that is even possible. Although I am thoroughly enjoying my vacation, my little heart hurts. When I miss Nick it affects me so much and I have been trying to decide if that is positive or negative. Most people would probably say “You shouldn’t let someone else determine your happiness,” but what if he does not determine it but simply contributes largely to it? I mean... I am with him for a reason. I guess this summer is going to be about finding myself, but I honestly just want to be with him.

These posts are about to be so sappy y’all. I don’t even care because as much as I hate being lame, writing about everything is helping me piece things together in my mind. Today was not so much weird as it was confusing for me, something I will not even begin to attempt to explain because I am not sure I even fully comprehend it. I try not to be pissed at myself for letting my thoughts wander to him when I am so lucky to be where I am right now, so because I cannot fight fire with fire, I am working on staying positive.

As a side note, Sushi Go! is getting me through the week (I don’t mean it to sound negative, only that obviously I need to keep my mind busy on other things to forget the pangs of despondency). I used to loathe games, but I guess when you are 22 and not a huge drinker there is little to do throughout the day other than bide your time with family and laughter. I appreciate all the love and empathy I am getting from my family during this first week apart from Nick, it is seriously helping me cope.

Today marked one week apart. Am I being dramatic?